I share here some themes to counselling in the hope that you may find them helpful:

ORIENTATION - counselling involves an inward focus, turning away from what is outside us and toward what is going on inside. We are often taught that what is happening outside of us, to people and events is of more value. Counselling asks that we change the direction of our attention towards our own experience. It is not always an easy turn to make and can feel even unnatural and especially hard to do on your own. A counsellor can support you as you slowly turn your gaze towards your inner psychological landscape and see what you find.

RELATIONAL - in spite of the infinite ways of defining counselling, the one that stays is that there is always 1 counsellor and at least 1 client present. We can’t have counselling without each other. This may be obvious but sometimes it is worth stating. Counselling is a therapeutic relationship and for some it can be understood solely through this relational lens. We don’t often see that we are in a relationship with ourselves and yet we are and it influences every other relationships in our lives. Sadly this internal relationship can be our most neglected. Counselling can be a gateway into understanding better how we relate to ourselves and others.

VULNERABILITY - counselling in this way is an oddity, because it invites us to move towards our vulnerability, whereas perhaps every other place in our life encourages us to shield ourselves from it. We learn very early on that not being in touch with our vulnerability is critical to our survival, our ability to function and relate in this world. And it is. Not being in touch with our vulnerability enables us to survive, but it will not necessarily allow us to thrive. Because being out of touch with our vulnerability has a deep cost - it continues the illusion that we are not human. And the unfortunate reality is that we are. We are human, affected and impacted, we are not invulnerable and we are wounded, deeply, at times. If we are cut off from our vulnerability, we are cut off from our humanity and from seeing the humanity in others.

Trying to distance ourselves from this truth might even be a reason why we are seeking counselling. Because we can’t keep this truth at bay as well as we used to and are forced to admit that we are affected and are struggling. Learning to be in touch with our vulnerability whilst still functioning is both the invitation and challenge of counselling. It could be the beginning of new richer experiences in your life, perhaps the experience of discomfort, possibly pain; and perhaps also the experience of freedom, self-compassion and inner wisdom. It could be the honouring and accepting of your humanness. A counsellor is there to help you with this journey of re-connecting with your vulnerability - safely and at the right pace for you.

UNKNOWN - all modalities of counselling acknowledge the unconscious within us - an ‘us’ that we are not aware of. It is the reason why we find our experiences and behaviours so baffling or alarming - Why did I say that? Why do I feel so awful about this? Why am I so stressed? Counselling attempts to make the unconscious more conscious for ourselves and accepts the uncertainty of what might happen. As with all of life, it is an adventure with highs and lows. It can be why counselling is seen as so trepidatious, because we do not know what we will discover about ourselves. It is also why a counsellor can’t guarantee a particular outcome for a client. It is essential to have a sense of what we are hoping for from counselling, and also to be with the truth that our hopes and expectations sit amidst uncertainty; and counselling is a journey of self-discovery. It is a step into the mystery of ourselves and one that we can take with a counsellor, rather than alone. We don’t know what we will learn when we have counselling, the question to ask ourselves is - am I willing to give myself the chance to find out?